A Love Story
Randy –
My family didn’t show love and that stuff so that was probably where a lot of the problems started from. I was always trying to make connections and start relationships but they never worked out.
My dad owned a trucking company. He had a rough life and didn’t know how to have relationships. My mom was a very pretty woman, a really nice woman. I didn’t really show that much respect to her because my dad never did either. That probably accounts for some of the difficulties I’ve had. I’ve always had a good rapport with women as friends, but I get into trouble when I try to connect romantically.
After high school I went to the Wisconsin School of Electronics in Madison. Then I worked at Lockheed Missile and Space in California for 2 ½ years. I got drafted into the Army, went to Vietnam and had a good experience there. I was on a post working electronics. I had a few guard details but it wasn’t really scary.
When I got out of the service I was kind of lost. I worked at Caterpillar for a while but got laid off. I started working for a paging company with my friend Steve. He was an old friend from high school who was into the same things I was: electronics, CBs and all that stuff. He always called me “No No” because I said no to everything. Steve got me interested in airplanes and I ended up flying and owning my own plane.
I started going out with a girl who was breaking up with her boyfriend. I didn’t see it then but she was kind of using me to help break up. Then she went back to her boyfriend and told me I couldn’t see her anymore. That devastated me. I went into this cycle of depression that I get into. It’s this ‘in love’ feeling that I have for people. It attaches itself. It’s an emotion I can’t get rid of. I got depressed and kind of tried to kill myself just to take the pain away. But I couldn’t go through with it. Then Joanie came along and I cycled out of it.
I met Joanie in ’83 but we threw the cart before the horse and got physical before we had a relationship. She had a lot of problems with relationships in her life, like me. So we could never really make that connection. But we’ve loved each other as good friends, really good friends. We are there for each other. We’ve been living together for the last 36 years.
When my dad died he gave me some inheritance money. I properly invested that so I had money and cash flow. My dad loved me by giving his wealth to me. My brothers and I have taken good care of that money.
Joanie and I moved a lot. We had a couple different condos in Florida and Texas. In between those we lived in the Rockford area. She gets bored with houses quickly. I just make sure it isn’t a foolish investment.
When we lived in Harlingen, Texas we had a wonderful neighbor across the street. He was a Mexican guy who had been in the Army like me. We used to sit out in his truck. We’d put ice in a cooler and beer and he’d put on Mexican music. One of the neighbors complained. Too bad! I loved it. We had something in common. I loved him; he was my buddy. We moved back to Illinois after that but we still talk once in a while.
I got diagnosed with prostate cancer in October of 2014. Since then it has jumped into other parts of my body.
I started seeing a naturopath in March of 2015. Every time I came in she would give me hugs and stuff like that. Then she wrote in a letter, “One more chemo. Lots of love.” That’s when the feeling came over me. I fell in love with her and went into that cycle of depression. I was seeing a counselor at the VA in Rockford and he advised me not to see her, but I didn’t have anybody else to go to. Nobody believes me how addicting it is, how hard it is to let go. But I finally let go and said my goodbyes to her. So I’m happy that way, that I don’t see her.
I’m here at the VA for some tests because I hurt my back. There’s also going to do some radiation treatments to reduce some of the cancer growths, and keep the pain down. We’re going to take it month by month and see what happens. If I get longer, I get longer. If I get shorter, I get shorter. Basically if I can get a little mobility, go back home, and reduce some of the pain, I’d be happy. That way I could finish up some of my loose ends at home.
When I was a kid I had a cat named Puff. She had two litters of cats and she brought them up to my bed. I adored one of the kittens and wanted to keep it, but my dad said, “You can only have one cat.” I gave up the wrong cat. Puff really loved me. We gave her to a farmer and a few days later she ran away. I’ve always remembered how I broke her heart.
That’s what it feels like now. I don’t want to give up Joanie. I’d be giving up the wrong person. My job now is to make her feel special. She’s a good person and very caring. She doesn’t feel good about herself, but she has a good heart. She always tries to give and it’s like nobody gives back – including me.
I try to let her know that our relationship wasn’t all in vain. I’ve given a bit of a home to her. Many times she’s talked about the good times we’ve had together even though we didn’t have that emotional tie. We’ve actually outlasted lots of married people. So there is something to it.
Joann –
Touched by an angel
Once there was a very shy little girl
Who seemed to never find someone special to love…in her life
She kissed many frogs
Who never turned into a prince
She thought she had a prince or two
But that was never quite true
One day she met her prince in disguise
Making him over into the ‘real’ prince he was
He emerged slowly into a handsome prince
With a heart of gold
And a love and desire to make his someone happy…me
But somehow she made a sad mistake, talking about ‘fake’ princes
In her past
How foolish she has been all these many years
As she did not see the forest for the trees
For the greatest of all was right at her side
He gave her the life she would have never had ‘without him’
Beautiful homes. Great fun, able to buy beautiful clothes and things
Even a car and cats to love
What a great life and journey together
She was blessed
For now she prays to God everyday
He is more precious than what money can buy
Her life without him would be very different
For she truly deeply loved him, more now than she could ever and never
Quite realized before.
May a miracle happen!
Believe
Live, laugh, love
Hope
Cherish simple pleasures
Live for the moment
Dream with your heart
For it is never too late to truly ‘Love’ that someone special of whom you
Shared the most precious times and moments with.
For you will always be in my mind and in my heart!
You will always be with me.
I love you with all my heart, through tears of joy or sadness of sorrow
And terrified to live without you. No one is as good and true as you.
I will always love you.
Forever and ever
My special angel
All my love,
Joanie